How To Love Yourself Again Through Yoga

As I lay in Savasana the other day, a Pema Chodron teaching I heard over three years ago flitted into my mind and I was reminded of the most important skill yoga has taught me: How to love myself.

Pema recalled a meeting between the Dalai Lama and some western teachers. One woman spoke up about how westerners take these teachings and use them against themselves. Instead of feeling liberated, they feel as though they can’t live up. When the Dalai Lama didn’t understand, he asked the room at large if they understood. Unanimously they all understood.

It seems in America that a majority of us have this filter. We live from a place of guilt and shame to varying degrees of self-hatred. I won’t go into any reasoning here.

Finding my way back to a place of self love didn’t happen at first asana though. There was the honeymoon phase where just moving my body was like sweet relief. But after a while I started using yoga against myself. I was hard on myself for not practicing enough or hard enough.

Finally I hit my yoga rock bottom. When I woke up each day, a sense of foreboding crept in. My routine involved waking up before sunrise to meditate, practice pranayama, and complete the Ashtanaga primary series. These years of tuning in was very special in many ways, and I had to experience them, but my practice turned into a ball and chain. I was not excited to get out of bed for the 4+ hours, which lay ahead.

Everybody has their own path and limits, but I needed a change. Shortly after this realization I met yoga teacher Mary Kate Murray (a dear friend and inspiring woman!) I wasn’t familiar with Anusara, but the practice was so uplifting and playful compared to my somber mornings all alone.

John Friend (founder of Anusara) did an amazing thing. Okay, don’t stop reading— John did some crazy, shady shit… But he’s human. I mean Bill Clinton had an affair and all of a sudden we are looking back on his presidency as some golden age… Anyway, what I’m trying to say is he took these ancient, valuable teachings and he made them accessible to the western mind and modern day practitioner.

So, whether your new to yoga or not, just remember: Your already perfect just the way you are and your exactly where you should be. Keep practicing—from a place of self love! And the world will reflect your bliss back upon you.

At Heart, Are All Religions The Same?

People in practically every culture on the planet turn to religion and other schools of thought to understand the unanswerable questions of life. At best, religion is enlightening and reassuring, but at its worst it causes fear and separation between those who believe we are different from one another.

I see all religions like vehicles. Belief systems and modes of spirituality might seem as different as bicycles and airplanes, but they take us towards the same place. What I mean is that people’s modes of worship may be very different, but they are tapping into the same higher energy.

Yoga practice led me to the study of Tantric philosophy*. One of the teachings, put very simply, describes everything, at its essence, as made of the same ‘stuff’. This is not unlike the scientific description of atoms being the main substance of everything.

I decided to study other religions, via the art form of yantra design, to see if our different world views are made of the same ‘stuff’ after all.

I began with the nine planet yantras from the Tantric philosophy and decided to relate each planet to a different religion. I quickly learned that this was very apropos as most popular religions are anthropomorphized versions of astrology and the galaxy surrounding us.

“The Christian religion is a parody on the worship of the sun, in which they put a man called Christ in the place of the sun, and pay him the adoration originally paid to the sun” (Tomas Paine, 1737-1809).

Indeed the Christian cross is based on the axis of an astrological diagram. If this is true, than Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, etc. may be more similar than different. I went on to find that Shiva, the Tao Te Ching, the Gospel of John, Allah, the Torah etc. have a lot of similar guiding principles.

Here are two of my favorite examples:

Jupiter Yantra: 24x24in. Colored Pencil on Masonite

This yantra (the centerpiece) represents Jupiter. In this piece I am drawing similarity between Greek thought and the Tantric Goddess Parāvāk. The Greek text reads, “God was the Logos”. From the Gospel of John, “ ‘the word’ is the English translation of logos, denoting the deep structure of reality, the harmonic animating principle of the universe.” The Tantric Goddess Parāvāk is known as “the Supreme Word”. She is revered as the highest principle of reality, “the totality of existence is understood as an expression of the Supreme Word, and thus all beings are ‘the Word made flesh’” (Wallis, Christopher D. Tantra Illuminated. Anusara Press, 2012).

Upper Symbol: the Greek symbol for the planet Jupiter
Lower Symbol: SAUḤ in the sacred Śāradā script, the mantra of Parāvāk “breathing forth Her revelation”.

Example two:

Saturn Yantra: 24x24in. Colored Pencil on Masonite

Around this yantra, representing Saturn, I chose Hebrew text. This excerpt from the Torah: ehyeh Asher ehyeh, translates to “I am That I am”. This phrase is strikingly similar to The Sanskrit phrase, aham idam idam aham, from Tattva #4 (Isvara), which means “I am This; This I am”.

*When I use the word Tantra, I am not referring to the common association of Tantra as sex. For more information regarding Tantra I recommend reading What is Tantra Really? by Christopher Wallis.

Are You A Sinner?

Christianity emphasizes that we are born sinners. That God made a mistake in creation.

Perhaps I’m more attracted to eastern philosophies because they adopt a perspective that God knows exactly what He/She is doing and we can trust that we are experiencing exactly what we are supposed to be experiencing in the right place, at the right time. God must have a sense of humor! Remembering this helps me let go and relax into this life.

And when I think of God, I don’t see it so much as one powerful being. More just the forces of the Universe at play.

One of my favorite practices I learned at Yoga Thailand during my first teacher training in 2009 with Paul Dallaghan, was to meditate on 3 words:

Gratitude
Forgiveness
Guidance

Meditating on the words separately, my relationship to them, as well as understanding has evolved.

Gratitude:
Have ou ever sat down, closed your eyes, and considered all the blessings in you life? Your dog, partner, family, friends? People who taught you what you know and support you unconditionally? The roof over your head, the sun, your fresh food? Sometimes feeling this kind of intense love brings me to tears.

Forgiveness:
When I first started concentrating on this word, it was most powerful in terms of self-forgiveness. Until somebody from outside myself showed me self-forgiveness, I didn’t realize the depths of self-loathing I allowed myself to experience. I used to punish myself by depriving or overindulging in other ways. It has been important for me to forgive myself in order to forgive others and experience love!

So going back to being a sinner. When I hear snippets on the radio as I flick through the stations telling me that I’m a sinner because I haven’t accepted Jesus Christ into my life I get a little frustrated– even defensive! I realize that some people resonate with Jesus to help them find peace as I have through other philosophies. Respect.

I’m reading a book, “Secrets of the Talking Jaguar” by Martin Pretchel, about a man from the US who becomes a shaman in a Mayan tribe in Guatemala. He explains how Mayans believe there are 4 other experiences of reality humans go through before they are born into the 5th. And when they are born, they forget the other 4 layers of existence. Shamans are people who understand the other 4 layers and spend their lives helping ordinary people remember as well.

So perhaps “forgetting” is like “sinning”. We spend our lives trying to remember what is true. If I can look at it this way, it softens the word “sin” for me and makes me feel less defensive about being labeled a sinner! I prefer “forgetful” please!

And finally Guidance:
We all want in this life and seem constantly to be seeking the next thing, the better thing. I found it transformationally powerful to try to nail down what it is I actually want. And then to ask for it! Yes, this is like praying. This always reminds me of the story of the man who prays everyday that he will win the lottery. After days of this God, exasperated, says, “Please, will you buy a lottery ticket?!” If you don’t know what you want and you don’t as for it, how will the universe know how to deliver?

Is Your Yoga Authentic?

Does it matter?

Does your practice make you feel more connected to yourself, the people you love (and don’t love), and the world around you?

Does your yoga help you make better decisions for yourself and for the benefit of others?

Then the answer is YES!

There is a lot of valid debate going on in the yoga world about new forms of yoga, the way it is practiced, taught, and how it continues to evolve.

(Yes, you should have more than 200 hours of training in order to teach, sorry, that part is true. You would’t consult a doctor with only 200 hours under his belt!)

BUT, like all traditions, yoga is an evolving philosophy and art.

If it is music, heat, incense smells, or a new pair of leggings that get you in the door, than great! Eventually the yoga will find you. You will discipline yourself and go deeper when you are ready. These “distractions” may fall away, but culturally we are used to being super stimulated, so we might need these helpers.

As people evolve so should our yoga!

Do You Like To Party?

Singing, dancing, imbibing substances around a fire…

Sounds like a party right?

Didn’t the word party used to be a noun? In the past 10 or 15 years is has become associated with excess drinking, taking drugs and the verbs ‘to party’ and ‘partying’ are common place.

Why do we party?

Mostly to have fun, feel connection, and often the hope of meeting someone special… But why then do we often feel that sense of regret after a night of heavy debauchery?

As a culture we have turned away from organized religion. In gaining some aspects of freedom we have lost ritual and ceremony.

People (and many indigenous cultures still do) used to get together and celebrate something higher than themselves. They used alcohol and other substances as offerings to the divine. Their ‘partying’ satisfied their need for community, connection, and having fun.

I’m definitely not telling you to start going to church. But if waking up, going to work, and then blowing off steam by getting really fucked is sounds familiar, then you might want to find the ritual in your own life. Even if it is just recognizing why you want to party and setting an intention before you go out!

Sit Down!

We start practicing yoga for many different reasons… we want to feel better, look better, or maybe just to see what everybody is raving about!

As yoga asana (the postures of yoga) have become a mainstream phenomenon with pop-up yoga studios on every corner, more people have adapted the practice, and the practice has taken on new form and a life of its own. There is quite a range of styles from extreme cardio workouts to sitting quite still!

As yoga has evolved so have we! Now that the physical aspects of yoga asana are taken for granted as a healthy form of exercise and practice of self-care in our culture, I have a hunch that soon we will witness our society accepting, practicing, and seeking the subtler aspects of yoga philosophy too.

Physical asana is just the 3rd of 8 limbs, or aspects of yoga. The 7 others include:
1. Yamas- how we treat others and conduct ourselves (similar to the 10 Commandments!)
2. Niyamas- self discipline and how we take care of ourselves
3. Asana- physical postures
4. Pranayama- specialized breathing techniques
5. Pratyahara- practice of withdrawing the senses
6. Dharana- practice of concentration
7. Dhyana- meditation
8. Samadhi- Bliss! or Enlightenment…

One of my teachers once stressed the importance of this quote: 

“There’s no value in digging shallow wells in a hundred places. Decide on one place and dig deep. Even if you encounter a rock, use dynamite and keep going down. If you leave that to dig another well, all the first effort is wasted and there is no proof you won’t hit rock again. (52)” ― Swami Satchidananda, The Yoga Sutras

These words have stayed with me while I have witnessed my needs for yoga evolving. I began yoga from a physical place, seeking to heal my body (I deal with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis with yoga) and for the workout aspect. I dabbled with various forms of yoga before I did my first teacher training in Ashtanga, a style known for being quite rigid and physically demanding. After a few years, a became attracted to Anusara, a more playful and heart-centered practice that helped me heal on an emotional level. 

Now that I have been practicing for 15 years, I’ve recently come to a new place. While I need to keep practicing the physical asana to maintain strength, balance, and flexibility for a healthy and aligned body, I have a choice to make: Do I keep physically advancing– I mean, how far does my leg need to go behind my head? And do I really need to feel validated by posting that on Instagram?? There is some excitement in that for me, BUT ultimately my choice is to Sit Down!

The ancient texts say very little about physical asana. The only asana mentioned in “The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali” is in line 2.46 “Sthira Sukham Asanam”, which basically translates to “sit down and get comfortable” (because you won’t be moving for a while!!)…
“The Hatha Yoga Pradipika” gives a few particular asanas, but the emphasis is that these postures purify the body and prepare it for sitting for long periods in meditation.

Kundalini yoga is fulfilling these new needs in the development of my yogic path. And what is even more compelling for me is how this directly relates to my work with sacred geometry and yantra design. In Kundalini yoga we tap into the sacred vibrations of the universe through mantra, sound waves. Yantras are a form of visual vibrations, literally containers of energy. A yantra is basically a picture of what a mantra sounds like. Working with these Sanskrit mantras and yantras is like de-coding the language of the universe…

Wherever you are on your path is exactly where your supposed to be. Focus on your goals, enjoy the process, and be open to the changes and developments. Only hindsight is 20/20!

Poop Matters

By popular demand!

Most of you know me as yoga teacher and artist, but my secret side job is poop advisor. So I’m coming out the closet, er bathroom, to share this information that I’ve learned through trial and error over 10+ years.

I’ve had many health issues including arthritis and a heart condition, but the most elusive and frustrating is the bathroom stuff. At worst health conditions are debilitating, but at best, I consider them an opportunity to learn about myself and pass on this valuable information. Keep in mind that our bodies (like the earth we live on) are conditioned to thrive. No matter what circumstances or stress we object our bodies to, they constantly seek equilibrium and health. So we have that going for us!

Due to many factors including stress, processed food, sugar, alcohol, travel, antibiotics, birth control pills, untreated parasites, recreational drugs, and other environmental factors I believe a large protion of the population suffers from candida.

Candida Albicans is basically naturally occurring yeast in the body. It is fine when it is in balance with the other bacterias, but due to the above factors, it can grow to unhealthy levels and create problems in the GI tract (it can also create respiratory and skin problems and issues vaginally, but I am focusing on the GI because it will affect the other areas too). Helpful link for BV, Yeast infections, and UTI’s.

Doctors have trouble diagnosing these poop problems because there is such a wide range of cases and symptoms. So the overarching and often unsatisfying term is IBS. Symptoms include: abdominal pain, constipation, diarrhea, mental frustration or lack of clarity, chronic fatigue, cravings for sugar and carbohydrates, skin fungus, body odor and even auto immune diseases.

What to do?

First, go easy on yourself! We all strive in life to do our best and are really hard on ourselves. The following information are basic guidelines that have worked for me. Keep in mind that everybody is different and our bodies react differently to things and as they change over time. For example, I couldn’t eat fruit for a long time without getting candida symptoms. Now because I have maintained health for a while, I can handle the natural sugars in fruit. Just do your best and if you make a ‘mistake’ just move on. That goes for every area of your life! Learning how to nurture myself rather than deprive myself is a big factor in my health.

I could say a lot about practices such as meditation and yoga that help with training the unconscious mind… but that is life long work perhaps to be discussed in another blog. I want to talk about realistic options with more immediate results.

Food:
Fresh and organic in its simplest, unadulterated form! I don’t adhere to any one diet in particular. I personally feel that raw and vegan diets can be beneficial short term or to clear up major disease in the body, but are not appropriate for most people long term. Cooking vegetables can be best for people with candida because it makes food easier to digest. A lots of raw vegetable can be gas forming ! The Paleo diet is pretty close to the Candida diet.

I bring up food first because I think it is important to get what you need through your food as much as possible. There is a disconnect between eating crap and then trying to make up for it with supplements and vitamin pills. Rather than thinking about all the things you must avoid (sugar, processed food, beer, acidic food), I like to think about all the things I can add to my diet! There’s no getting around the fact that vegetables should make up the majority of you food intake.

Probiotic rich food:
Kombucha
Kimchi
Sauerkraut
Kefir (dairy or coconut)
Rejuvelac

Alkaline foods: Candida thrives in an acidic environment, so destroy its habitat with alkaline foods!
Lemons
Apple cider vinegar
Seaweed
Aloe
–just to name a few. There are many free charts online that show the pH of foods.
Water- if you are already purchasing water, it might as well be alkaline

Gluten free:
Grains really aren’t ideal for the body, especially brain health. Experiment limiting your grain and especially gluten intake.

Meat: Although meat has a more acidic effect on the body, it doesn’t promote candida growth. So go ahead and eat meat! Organic please.

Fat/oils:
Don’t be a stranger to fat! Fatty foods don’t make you fat. Eat butter or ghee– it has medicinal properties and your brain loves it. Oils are also a great source of fat. But if you cook with oil look into heat index. A lot of oils, when heated, very quickly turn acidic. So I suggest steaming vegetable (or cooking in butter!) and adding raw oil after. Sesame and coconut have higher heat tolerances if you must cook with oil.

Dairy:
It is recommended to avoid dairy in the beginning stages of dealing with candida. I recommend switching to goat dairy in general because it is much better and easier for the body to digest.

Supplements:
you can probably get these all at Whole Foods or order online–
-Probiotics- take a lot more than the bottle says if your trying to kick candida
-Pau d’acro- anti-parasitic
-Grapefruitseed extract- anti-parasitic
-Vitamin C- taking in excess, it will have a laxative effect and give you some relief
-Triphala- good for general digestive health
-MSM- natural sulphur that has benefits for the joints, but I also find it helpful with GI health
-Colloidal silver- always a good alternative to killing bacteria without taking antibiotics

MMS- THE MINERAL MIRACLE SOLUTION!!! IF YOU DISREGARD EVERYTHING ABOVE AND TAKE MMS YOU WILL BENEFIT. When I started taking this the results were immediate. Life changing. And it actually helped me transition into making better dietary choices. It kills off the candida without killing the beneficial bacteria in your gut. I order from www.keaveyscorner.com I’ve included information and instructions below.

Toxins are released when you go to the bathroom. If you are constipated for a long time, these toxins will be re-absorbed into the body and make you feel, well, toxic! Get that shit out!

Enemas- You can give yourself an enema. Soaking a piece of kombu seaweed overnight in about a liter of water is a really nice way to alkalanize your GI tract. Coffee enemas are also popular for their detoxifying effect.

Colonics- Find a professional in your area and consult them. This colon hydrotherapy goes a bit deeper than an enema and can remove old crap lodged in the intestines that could be causing you problems.

Please do not hesitate to get in touch with me with any questions, comments, or necessary additions to this blog! contact@phoebeandrewsyoga.com

MINERAL MIRACLE SOLUTION INSTRUCTIONS:
WARNING:
NEVER USE FULL STRENGTH MMS.
Keep in safe place away from children.
Keep out of direct sunlight.
Wash spills with water or from skin or eyes.
Always use with 10% citric acid solution. Always 1 part MMS/5 parts Citric Acid ratio.

1) Prepare the 10% citric acid solution. a) Mix (one) 1 level tablespoon of citric acid crystal with (nine) 9 level tablespoons of distilled water. b) Mix them and add the content to the blue Citric Acid 10% Solution bottle. c) The blue bottle will be full if you have measured correctly.

2) Prepare the drink: In order to prepare the Miracle Mineral Solution for consumption you need to have a glass or porcelain cup and use it to combine 5 parts (5 drops) of 10% citric acid ( or lemon or lime juice) to 1 part (1 drop) of the 28% MMS sodium chlorite solution. Each time you prepare the mixture wait three minutes for the chemistry to fully work, then fill the cup with water and drink immediately. Around day 6 the taste gets very unpleasant so switch to a juice. a) 1 part MMS to 5 parts Citric Acid. Wait 5 minutes. b) Add water (or pineapple, grape or apple juice WITHOUT added vitamin C.) c) Water is best until you get to higher doses when juice masks the chlorine flavor.

3) Daily: each day you are going to increase the number of drops you take by one drop MMS per day until day 15. Then maintain 15 drops. On one of these days you might start to feel a little nauseous. That is because the pathogens are being killed and the detox is heavy. So, back off the next day decreasing the dose by one or two drops. This gives the immune system time to strengthen and handle the detox but KEEP TAKING THE MMS until you reach 15 drops per day. a) The first day take 1 drop with 5 drops of 10% citric acid solution. Swirl. Wait 3 minutes add water and drink. b) The second day you are going to take 2 drops and 10 drops of 10% citric acid solution. Swirl. Wait 3 minutes add water and drink. c) The third day you are going to take 3 drops and 15 drops of 10% citric acid solution. Swirl. Wait 3 minutes add water and drink. d) And so on till day 15. e) Take the dose at the same time each day before going to bed.

4) No Nausea = no more to detox. a) Mild nausea will occur within 10 minutes of taking. Sometimes slight dizziness. Back off one or two drops and slowly build up the dosage as in section 3 above. 5) In severe conditions: a) Take two doses per day 1 hour apart. The sodium chlorite is steadily released into the blood after you take a dose. But the concentration is effective during the first hour.

6) Maintenance: a) If the symptoms have disappeared then continue with a maintenance dose of 6 drops 3 times a week. b) Or, for older people with compromised immune system use 4 drops daily.

7) Children and pets a) Start with 1 drop MMS increased to max 3 drops MMS per 25 lb body weight.

What Is Your Dharma?

Well, first of all, what is Dharma?

Defined as ‘the path of righteousness’ sounds a little uptight to me. Finding your dharma is indeed a righteous path, but there is no One Way. Each individual’s dharma is unique. Dharma is about finding your path that sustains you, brings you joy, and is harmonious.

In this age of internet, entrepreneurialism, and supermoms there are a lot of paths to consider. This more lateral way of existing allows for more creative ways to make money and live, but it can also be paralyzing. What to pursue? How to best use time and talents?

As I approached my 29th birthday last week these questions of long term abundance and happiness have been on my mind. 

Recently, the University of Colorado Boulder, my alma mater, requested some of my yantras for their permanent collection (thank you Melanie Yazzie and Lara Fairbanks!). As I considered the project, exploring this concept of dharma stood out to me. By now I know that yantras are a piece of my dharma puzzle– Not only do I create and teach the process of yantra design for a living, but when I create a yantra it is my meditation. If I am making a decision or stuck on something, sitting down and creating a yantra will clear my head and allow for the ideas and inspiration to arise. 

I chose four yantras to enrich my dharmic path. The first, Jupiter (yellow), represents abundance, generosity, expansion and luck. Next, I chose Venus (light blue) because she brings bliss, beauty, and love. Mars (red) is a fiery planet all about passion and inspiration. Finally, I created the yantra for the deity Ganesha, known as the Remover of Obstacles and often invoked at the beginning of any project.

Dharma unfolds as life goes by. It is important to pursue your passions and dreams, but also to trust and allow for them to happen!